Presenter Spotlight: Ron Hades

Ron Hades is a multi-faceted performer, sex worker, kink educator and activist—and we’re thrilled to welcome them to Daruma next week. Together with Berkay, Ron will present a performance and discussion, “Objectification in Meditation”—and will be back later this summer to present a workshop and special event. I got the chance to learn a bit more about Ron’s rope and sex work journey, kink as a political act, and why it’s essential to understand the origins of what we’re practicing. This interview has been condensed and edited.

Photo by @bildwirklichkeiten.de

How do you describe your journey into rope and kink practice?

I often joke that all the little things that I did in my life showed me the path to work with rope actively. I guess I always had a thing with yarn or rope—as a kid I crocheted and knitted a lot and played often with ropes. As a young adult, I did rock climbing and sailing which helped me to understand the basic knots and mechanics of how ropes move. I studied chemistry and biology…and that also came in very handy, even just generally working as a BDSM sex worker.  

When I started to take an interest in rope, I was very ashamed that I was interested in BDSM due to my cultural background. So I was hiding it a lot or just learning at home alone so nobody would notice that I have this interest. My main focus was initially more on working in BDSM sexwork so I can work just for myself, and rope was just a thing that I specialized in for my sessions. 

Later, working as a rope teacher started as a form of activism. I wanted to give other sex workers with low income a chance where they could learn bondage for their work with little to no money. Over time, it just naturally developed—now I work as a pro Dom and rope teacher. 

You’re about to present “Objectification in Meditation,” a performance and discussion that explores how Shibari has evolved over its history. What inspired you to develop this piece? 

It started with political discussion with a few people in the community. As a Korean person, when I practice rope, I often think about the historical aspect of bondage. Shibari bondage originated from the technique Hojojutsu—a form of rope restraint used by Japanese military and police from the 1600s. Japan invaded Korea in the early twentieth century, and during that time many Koreans were captured, abducted, killed, and even used for medical experimentation. I’m very aware that a lot of Korean people (and others) suffered and died from this technique.

Nowadays many people see Shibari bondage just as a sexual thing, or art form, or even some as “healing,” without knowing where it comes from and how it developed. For me it was important to open a conversation so we can actively reflect as a community together and make the space more inclusive and respectful.

Old pictures of Shibari bondage are very strongly through the male gaze and their preferences of traditional beauty standards. Many of these ties were first developed for skinny, flexible people – leading riggers to also look for models or tying partners in that body type, rather than adjusting their rope skills to different body types. I hope that learning about history, and actively confronting the misogyny and beauty standards in this practice, will help people to understand why we need more diversity and inclusivity in rope. And I hope this in turn will also encourage teachers and practitioners to develop skills for everyone—across body types, genders, and cultural backgrounds.

One theme that the evening will explore is the ways in which kink and rope is not just personal but political. How do aspects of your identity inform your approach to shibari? How can consciously recognizing that kink is political actually enhance and improve our tying practice?

For me being a Korean, queer, non-binary sex worker definitely changed the way I viewed bondage. My initial interest was very sexual, and at the time, the majority of the pictures I saw were these “beauty standard” people in rope – which we still see more of now.

Sex work gave me a whole new view of the rope community, and helped me discover how I want to practice, to make rope more diverse and inclusive. I started seeing people as people, beyond a specific look and body type. I had to adapt my skills for larger bodies, less flexible bodies, and people with physical limitations – to do that, I had to actively learn to let go of my ego, and think about their needs in tying as well.

My main goal is to talk about the political meaning of modern kink and how it developed. Nowadays we practice more consent-aware kink, and inform and educate ourselves as well. It’s still a recent thing that kink is more socially accepted in our society – a lot of amazing BDSM educators put a lot of effort into that. And that’s also what I aim to do in my classes. 

What have you seen change in Berlin or European kink scenes since you began in this space?

The big thing that I notice changing since I started tying is more consent-based rope community. It’s become less of a sexual practice, and for many people it is just a nice way of connecting with someone else physically and mentally without being sexual. I see more clear intention from people who are tying, and building more a form of community all its own. I would say more than ten years ago, the bondage community was just part of the BDSM community, and I feel it has grown so much that it’s become its own community.

How do you see the learnings gained inside of kink or sex-positive spaces showing up in daily life or the “default” world—for you or for students you teach?

The biggest advantage that I get from practicing and working with BDSM is that I’ve become more able to communicate my needs, and am able to set boundaries without feeling guilty. It has been a very long journey for me. And of course, in my classes, I also try to teach my participants not only about rope skills but also about mindset, body language, communication – and how to have fun and not forget that we have a actual human in front of us allowing us to tie them. And most importantly, how to let down our ego in rope play.

Photo by @pisa73wastaken

In addition to the upcoming performance, you’ve got a different kind of workshop and event concept coming up at Daruma this summer. What should folks look forward to? What are you most looking forward to?

This summer’s workshop will be about body language in rope, in the BDSM context: what body language means in rope play, and how to create new dynamics in our play. So if you’re interested in playing with rope in more of a BDSM context in your sessions…join the workshop and let's move our bodies together. This workshop will be open for all levels, with the only prerequisites being single and double column ties – so stay tuned for more information on that coming soon!